Here we go again…

I have had some mixed emotions heading to my next chemo infusion. While the first time I was somewhat in the dark about what to expect, I now know what tomorrow holds for me. Two weeks ago I had been warned what I might feel like after chemo and I had been given a list of possible side effects, but was also informed that everyone is different and each body responds in its own way. I would have to wait and see how it effected me. So now I know about me and my body’s response. YUCK!! There is no more mystery; it has been replaced by dread. A few days ago I started feeling anxious about returning to chemo and fear was beginning to creep in where there had been peace. I had been enjoying many good days of renewed strength and energy, seeing God’s provision for me and rejoicing in His protection over me. Then as I the time ticked away and chemo was once again looming in front of me, I began to remember the headache, nausea and exhaustion. I don’t want it!!! Yet, God in his mercy has reminded me I do not go alone into that chemotherapy room.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

As I sit in the chair tomorrow I will remember God’s faithfulness and the way He has gently (but boldly) carried me through this battleground. “But you, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the lifter of my head. I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill.” Psalm 3:3,4

Today I will again rejoice in feeling good, feeling strong, and feeling loved by my daddy-God. Tomorrow I will let him carry me.


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